Junkyard Dog

(2010) written and directed by Kim Bass, starring Galadriel Stineman, Innis Casey, Vivica A. Fox, and kind of Brad Dourif

“Sometimes in life bad things just happen, even to good girls.”

And that’s it. That’s the only thing I can find in this film that’s remotely entertaining, and it’s only amusing because it’s delivered with such heavy intensity it can’t even be dark humour. It’s just bad.

“Junkyard Dog” is a mean little film that’s “based on a true story”, although it’s difficult to figure out which one. I guess anything that has a girl being kidnapped, held against her will, and repeatedly raped. Maybe also eaten. I suppose this all happens more than anyone normal would like to realize.

Audra (Galadriel Stineman) dresses up for Halloween and heads out to meet her friend, but runs out of gas. She calls for roadside assistance, but JYD (Innis Casey) picks her up and locks her in his buried trailer. He’s been doing this all year: picking up a girl, keeping her a month, then cutting her up and eating her. His shares the meals with his dog, who is adorable and well trained, but presented as a villain. He also plays house with the girls, making them cook for him and dress up in certain clothes. We get a lot of time with him, seeing his process. Here’s part of the IMDB description of this film:

Filmed on location in Tennessee, JUNKYARD DOG tells the terror-filled tale of Audra Buckman, a nineteen year-old college student trapped in a month-long nightmare, struggling to stay alive and uneaten while being held captive, left half-starved and repeatedly savaged by JYD, an oddly charismatic, vicious man-eating monster.

Of course these things are written by people who want you to watch the film. But let me just stop you at “oddly charismatic, vicious man-eating monster”. Because what the actual fuck. Where does “charismatic” get off being included in that sentence? The actor did a fine job, but at no point in the run time of the film did I think, “You know, he may be half-starving this girl, and repeatedly savaging her, and he’s definitely vicious and man-eating, but I think this guy is kinda charismatic.” Let’s hear it for the bad boys, but this ain’t that. This is delusional.

Once she’s caught, we get montages of rape, with lots of crying and pleading. We eventually get to see Audra eventually check out and kinda go blank while she’s raped. Did I say rape, because that’s what the oddly charismatic guy is doing a lot of, and we’re watching it, because this is the movie. It’s not particularly violent, it’s just thrust thrust thrust on top of a crying girl, over and over. Enjoy!

FBI agent Samantha Deatherage (Vivica A. Fox) is sent alone to hicksville to figure out why girls keep disappearing. Despite the actress kicking ass whenever possible, the character is an idiot who ends up in the same place the girls do. Don’t worry, we also have a rape scene where she’s begging JYD to rape her instead, because Audra is just a child. It’s so much fun.

And Sherrif Holk (Brad Dourif) doesn’t even have a first name I guess, which I should have been my clue this was Dourif doing a favour for a friend. At least that’s the only explanation I can figure for why he’s here at all, for the few minutes he is, doing almost nothing with his name on the marketing material. Or maybe he lost a bet. I can’t imagine someone said “You’ll be an oblivious sherrif who shoots a dog, don’t worry about the rest” and he jumped on board for that alone.

All the actors give as much as possible to this bitterly stupid story, but it isn’t enough. The good guys “win” and the bad guy “loses”, and the best part about it is the film eventually ends and you can stop watching. This is a rare Dourif film that even his fans should skip.